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reality check
dang. my first time in a bad car accident this past sunday.
I know it’s pretty shitty for this kind of stuff have to happen for me to realize I need to get it together… (not that I didn’t really in the first place). But I’m realizing how important it is for me to take care of my parents. I know as Koreans (or.. Asians in general?), once you’re able to work and get some income, more than half should be going to your parents. Especially if their business isn’t doing well.
I went to my parent’s shop the other day and saw a whole wall of bills pinned on it. I asked her what this is all for, and she told me it’s all the bills we have to pay and she pins it on the wall as a reminder for her to work hard so she can pay those off. It made my heart sink… knowing she’s waking up odd hours of the day to work to pay all the bills for the family when I’m out blowing money without a second thought on alcohol, cigarettes, fast food that’s only making me fat, ugly sparkly clubbing clothes I’ll never wear again, and uncomfortable shoes that I’ll probably wear once a year. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in the “going-out every weekend scene”. I try really hard not to because that shit wears me out anyway and I usually get sleepy or cranky and just want to go home when I’m out… But going to quiet bars after work on Fridays has become such a habit. I’m not physically capable of partying hard at clubs anymore so I like to relax with a beer on the weekends with maybe 2 or 3 other friends. But all that, is slowly adding up. The gas there, food, and either splitting the tab or just me paying it all has me spending my entire paycheck within a week. So pathetic
When my dad picked me up from the hospital after the accident, I was so scared. Especially with the history my dad & I have, he was the last person I wanted to come get me from the damn hospital. I expected lecturing and scolding, but instead he called my mom on his phone, then handed it to me and told me to just talk to her, where she calmed me down after 4 hours of nonstop crying and when I got home, he told me to shower & rest. Which made me cry even harder because that’s probably the nicest thing he’s said to me in years and he probably didn’t even know it
I’ve been having dreams and flashbacks of the accident and it’s really getting to me. I keep thinking how lucky I am that I ran into the orange cones rather than the cement railings they have against the highways, or I probably would’ve have severe injuries.
I guess I need to stop hiding in a corner crying and actually get stuff done. Thank god the medical bill will be covered with our car insurance but my car is a total wreck and will cost thousands of dollars to repair
Stressing me out thinking about how much money went into a stupid night of me falling asleep at the wheel.
I think it’d be dumb of me to say “OMG I’M NEVER GOING OUT AGAIN” because I hate it when people say they’re going MIA and I see them out every fucking weekend. I’m sure I’ll need nights out but I can do it moderately. I feel like anything (such as… going out, spending money at restaurants, shopping) is okay as long as it’s done in moderation. So from now on… I’ll just need to keep tabs on how much I’m spending everywhere I go. It’ll be a pain in the ass, since I’m so used to swiping my card and not giving a shit but.. I am officially, a baller on a budget :)
Photo reblogged from that's what she said with 1,252 notes
This sweet man.
He whispered in my ear. He told me how his wife thinks he looks like an old man with a cane, so he brought a long umbrella with him instead. He leaned gently on it the entire time.
And then while he showed me an old photograph of him and his buddies, all at age 19, he recounted the time that they ran into Hitler outside of Rome and how it made him feel.
And then he asked me if when he dies, whether my generation will step up to take care of his homeless veteran friends. I told him that we would.
I don’t even know his name.
Text reblogged from i'm sarah, now get the toaster, we're going home with 1,144 notes
Today I was eating a cupcake when the phone rang. I panicked and stuffed the entire cupcake into my mouth. I still don't know why I did that. MLIA
(via sarah-182)
Photo reblogged from pixonu with 1,778 notes
(via pixonu)
of course, anything concerning donuts remind me of my parents/makes me laugh
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Numb.
Within the past couple of months, I’ve become numb to my emotions. I honestly do NOT give a flying fuck about anything.
Unless you’re one of my best friends, if you come bitching to me about something- I will tune you out and make it obvious I want you to get the fuck away from me.
I really don’t know what has made me so cynical. I’m very pessimistic and think bitches who are stupid and oblivious will one day realize that being optimistic is not all that great and will not always keep you happy.
I’ve become one of those sour, unhappy women who truly does not believe in love anymore. Not because I can’t seem to find it again but… it all seems like such bullshit to me. I don’t believe in “soul mates”, or those “meant to be” relationships. I think it starts out as, you’re first attracted to each other (wether it may be because of looks, personality, etc.) then you spend time with each other, and you’re BOUND to grow fond of ANYONE you spend so much time with. Then you fall madly in love blahblah. I feel like you can pretty much bring yourself to have feelings for ANYONE, and I guess if you’re somewhat attracted to them at first, speeds up the process. One of the main things I hate about love, is that people use it as an excuse to make all your problems go away. When you’re CONSTANTLY fighting and you’re OBVIOUSLY in an unhealthy relationship, just because you guys are “in love” does not mean you need to stick around and put up with bullshit. Love truly makes you blind. I hate seeing my friends become trapped like that and I hate that I was once in that position as well.
I don’t feel this way because I was once screwed over, because I’ve met plenty of potentially date-able guys, and have met guys who would treat me really well, but it’s not worth the effort anymore. I’d rather just DO ME and get my shit done rather than focusing on finding love. I don’t agree with everyone else in the world when they say love is what you should strive for in life… FUCK THAT. I could never ever trust a man enough to put everything aside for him. My life is too precious to give everything up for someone (selfish? yeah, well idgaf.)
“Friends come and go” um. STORY OF MY FUCKING LIFE. Surprisingly though, it doesn’t phase me anymore. I could care less shit about the shitty friends I’ve lost. I know for myself who are the realest, and know they’ll be there NO MATTER WHAT and the stupid bitches who get mad because I didn’t hang out with them one weekend, can suck it easy.
I don’t mean to make myself sound so tough and like “yeah I’m such a cold hearted badass” but I just…. find it SO hard to care about anything anymore. I think I like feeling this way though because I don’t cry about every little thing anymore. It’s not necessarily that it’s made me a stronger person but because of the fact that I’ve been through too much bullshit in my life (not just the typical “wah wah.. I got my heart broken.. my parents suck… I hate my life” bs) but been through shit where I’ve hit rock bottom.. and I guess the only way I can go now is up but I’ve been stuck in the middle for too damn long.
I need major changes in my life. asap.
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Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment… you never gave up hope.
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